Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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