Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
my liver is dry heaving
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
