i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
