I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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