Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
