Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
