Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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