I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize