Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I am full of burrito and curiosity
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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