You're my little dorito
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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