woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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