I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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