I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I can't turn off my feet"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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