If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
