I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
