I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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