exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
