Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
this will be a night to untag.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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