i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
