I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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