you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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