I just saw a hot homeless man
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
