How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
