In the future we'll all be gay
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Who died my cat blue again?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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