yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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