i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You're a waste of cheezeits
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
