how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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