i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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