Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
