guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
