Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
