i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
it's great music for shaving your balls
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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