everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
