What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
