While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
