I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
how does that bad decision feel?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
