No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
