oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It's shark week go big or go home
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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