apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
