i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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