Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
