Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
