I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
