Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
