I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
