5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
