I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize