Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
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