four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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