first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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