Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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