New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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