im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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