How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
