My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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