I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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