ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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