I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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