apparently the secret to your success is patron
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
