who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize