I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
