just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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