How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
