btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize