I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
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