just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Randomize
