when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
