remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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