my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
