my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
