My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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