I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize