Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
