How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
