There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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