i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
