The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
