I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
