your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
just come out here and I will go home with you...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
