To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
