Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
