Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
