I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize