I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
