I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
