One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
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