The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
