everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
