I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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