What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
