It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
