am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
