I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
