Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
