i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize