She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
