Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
