I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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