You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
