mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
