I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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