I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
