remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
