I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
