Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Barsexuality is the new black.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
