And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
