everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
