Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
