Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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