how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
