He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
