he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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